Evolution: Survival of the Shittiest

I am a huge fan of Judge Judy, and an unashamed and unapologetic one at that. For at least the past five years, 4:00 EST has always been "knitting and Judge Judy time", no matter what. I think it's what kept me sane in grad school, because regardless of how much pointless boring shit I had to get done, I would drop everything and take that hour for myself to recharge. I'm not going to sit here and ramble on at length about why she and the show are awesome and why I love it so much; I don't feel I need to argue my point here because it's my damn (co-)blog and my opinion is always right. I'll just sum it up by saying she says the things to people that everyone else WISHES they could say, but don't (probably in fear of getting punched in the face).

As awesome as the Shingaling is at smacking down the morons that appear before her, I'm not going to lie - the show is worrisome at times. Obviously, the people on the show represent only a small section of society, but still...watching some of these idiots is scary. And the most frightening part of it is the fact that an overwhelming majority of them have already reproduced. Many many times over, in some cases.

In general, every generation seems to think that theirs is the best and that the current one is fucking everything up and they get all wistful for the way "things used to be". I'm not sure if I completely agree with that. Part of me is (already) old and crochety and shakes my head while thinking "kids these days!" and waving a rake at them to get off my lawn while complaining that their music is too loud (or whatever it is old people do). The other part is well aware of the fact that there have been major fuck-ups in EVERY generation and that age has nothing to do with fuck-up-ery.




"Things were way better when we were apes. And the rhythmic beating of sticks on rocks the kids are listening to these days? Yeesh."


I think part of the reason for the wistfulness and the headshaking is that every single thing is more publicized these days. We, as a society, bitch and moan every time we can't find something to watch on our 300 cable channels, but then complain about the famewhores and other tools that appear on them. Which brings us back around to my beloved Judge Judy. Fifty years ago, these assholes still existed. They just acted like assholes in private and only a small handful of people witnessed their behavior, rather than the millions that can now.

Now here's a question: Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I really don't know. For me, I do get satisfaction at watching these people who have scammed their way through life, wasting resources and oxygen, finally have to listen to someone call them out on their shit. (Does it make a difference? Probably not. Though I do hope she follows through on her threats and reports some of these people to the IRS or their employers or whatnot.) As someone who taught in the public schools for a number of years, I've seen my fair share of people who NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAD KIDS and have had to bite my tongue practically off in order to avoid losing my job/the aforementioned punch to the face. I've also seen the kids who WILL be in court one day and it will be the very first time (if we're lucky) that they will have to be held accountable for their behavior and actions, because it sure as shit isn't happening now.

(In the interests of full disclosure, I will freely admit the obvious and say that one of the reasons I get so much enjoyment from watching the show is pure schadenfreude. Sure, I may have been laid off from my job and I may be a full-time student again in my late 20s and I may not own my own house yet and there are all sorts of other things that aren't perfect, but hey! I'm definitely better off than that fool on my TV screen!)

Even though we've established that idiots have been in our mix since the beginning of time, in thinking about it, I really think there has been a swing lately (like maybe the past couple decades). So many of the cases are exactly the same - girl meets boy, boy is a loser, girl buys him stuff and loans him money anyway, then is surprised when he doesn't pay her back. Bonus points if they had a baby (or several) together somewhere in there. Only half a bonus point if she already had kids and rather than saving money for them, she went out and spent it on her flava of the month.

(I realize I'm probably being a bit sexist here, and there are definitely times when the situation is reversed, when the man spent money on his dippy girlfriend and then she hightailed it out of there, but as I'm making a very poor attempt at being halfway science-y, we're talking about evolution here and I'm going to aim a lot at the womenfolk. Unfair as it may be, a lot, if not most, of matters concerning reproduction is still up to the ladies.)

I'll be blunt: What happened? Where did our standards go? Fifty years ago, if you were a lazy bum who refused to get a job and was still slumming it in your parents' basement, you were left there to rot. It was shameful, not something to be proud of. And you usually weren't rewarded for your inaction with sex, because in a time where not as many women worked outside the home, they sure didn't want to forever hitch their wagons to losers who couldn't provide for them.

Obviously, we've made great strides, and I for one am thrilled that I am not destined for a life of being a bored housewife, as I think I would go crazy. (And if you do want to be a housewife, super! We've achieved the right to choose for ourselves! Go us!) But somewhere along the way, something shifted. It almost seems that as our standards for ourselves got higher, the standards for those we allow to stick their dicks in us got lower.

Many men who do nothing but sit around a basement playing video games for 23 hours a day or hang out with their boys and drink their weight in beer on a nightly basis somehow don't seem to have much of a problem finding a woman willing to fuck them. (Now, there's nothing wrong with playing video games, as I've been known to spend many a weekend sitting on my squishy ass and zoning out to them for many consecutive hours...but I also get the rest of my shit done.) And not only will a woman fuck them, but sometimes she'll play fast and loose with her birth control, silently implying that it's okay to make another generation of bums.




"My ovaries are all a-quiver!"


Even though some days it seems like I've handed in my girlcard, I'm going to stand on my soapbox and call out to the rest of the sisterhood:

WE CAN DO BETTER.

Since the days of the cavemen and cavewomen, it has been up to us to seek out the very best sperm to fertilize our happy little eggs in order to ensure that our children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren are the very best they can be. Unfortunately, I think we lost a bit of that. The urge to have sex is a primal, biological drive, but some of us seem to have evolved into not caring so much about WHAT we're fucking.

The maternal instinct is still in us. We want to reach out and cuddle the poor, lost souls and help them to become better people and we want to be the strong woman supporting our superhero. That's all well and good, but unfortunately, some people just don't want to be helped. A lot of women genuinely believe that when dating a guy, they can change him (either into what they want him to be or for the general "better), but you know what? 99% of the time it just ain't gonna happen.

Can people change? Of course they can. But if a guy's had a life free of responsibility and is content with basically doing nothing with said life, a well-meaning girlfriend isn't going to change all that. She may nag him, but the droning can be tuned out if he gets to bang her enough. And then when a condom breaks or a pill is missed (assuming they were used in the first place) and the baby arrives, Mommy is sometimes shocked to find out that Daddy STILL doesn't want to take responsibility for anything in his life. Even something that looks nearly exactly like him.




Irresponsibility makes babies cry MORE.


So I return to my soapbox: Let's put an end to this. Let's stop and think about what we're doing to the future. Let's seriously evaluate our priorities when choosing that prime sperm and let's not reinforce bad behavior. If a guy is unmotivated to do anything even remotely productive...don't have sex with him. I'll give a nod to the primal urges, though, and say that if he's drop-dead gorgeous and his cock is just irresistible, sometimes it's useless to try to fight nature, but for Darwin's sake, use a condom AND spermicide AND take a pill AND do everything else you can possibly think of to make sure YOU DO NOT CREATE A GENETIC LOSER. I'll even flip it around for the men as well: if you do not like the idea of having a child with a particular woman...don't put your unsheathed penis anywhere near her.

We can do this. We can save the future. Judge Judy isn't going to be around forever to deal out the scathing remarks to the morons. Let's allow her to retire happily and become obsolete as we set the bar higher for ourselves.

(Note: I'm aware, of course, that in today's economy, a lot of people are struggling and jobs are hard to come by and plenty of people are still crashing with their parents and so on. That's fine. I myself have gone back to school since I couldn't find employment, but you'll notice that I am not rushing right out to go have a baby for lack of better things to do. What we're talking about here is motivation and the desire to be a productive member of society, and I think those are intangible things that aren't measured by salary or possessions. We should all know the difference between the type of people I've written about and the people who may currently be having a rough time of things, but are always actively trying to improve their situations. You have my permission to fuck the people in the latter category, but as always, birth control is MANDATORY until said situations do get better.)